Tuesday, November 4, 2014


I'm a battlefield of:
 being the woman I am and being the woman I want to be. 
It overwhelms me to think about it. 
I know I say "I don't want to talk about it" 
but I really do, I need to … 
Its just hard trying to find the right words
 from my heart and trying to put together a coherent 
sentence from all of the voices in my head. 
It devours me, the imbalance.
 I am trying to find a balance  
between being real 
being perfect. 
When I get really quiet 
its simply because I have 
stirred up too much inside 
that I don't know where to start. 
If I try to explain 
my line of thinking in it's entirety 
who knows what you'll think- 
you probably  
wouldn't even know what to do with it all. 
At times, I don't know what to talk about first: 
what matters to me, 
what matters to you, 
what matters to the b o t h of u s 
what even matters at all. 
I get prematurely envious of anyone 
who is able to get your attention and keep it. 
I want to emit a light so bright for you
 that  you are able to find your way out of the darkness. 
I need to have your undivided attention. 
I miss you constantly 
even though you're right next to me. 
I also like how we are able to be separate 
 and it be okay.  
Inside of my brain is a compilation 
of thoughts, secrets, cravings, needs and wants, fears 
and insecurities that I never want to be reminded of
 and a nostalgia for the past 
and an obsession for the future
 that drives me to insanity and 
delivers comfort to my soul.  
For you… I am trying. 
I am a soul, I have a body. 
I am a battlefield of perfection and insecurities. 
I am trying…
 If I find the words to explain to,  you
I hope you'll listen.  


No comments:

Post a Comment