Epitome

(A personal narrative)

I look into the mirror and doll myself up to find that I'm in the prime of my life. I look forward to the attractive encounters I come across along the road of my journey because they are my sunlight. I cant even begin to explain the times I feel in love with only one thing about someone, or under a velvet sky, threw my hands up and believed this was the best time ever, or made a wish on a crashing car. My heart sparkles and breaks. My eyes pierce and hear. The rhythm in my walk silences & speaks. It takes letting go of "what could be" for the risk of obtaining something greater, the "what is." It's not about proving there is a reason, it's about believing that there is one.
 

My soul is a giver and my heart is a receiver, I listen to my sight before I say "forever". When people criticize my line of action, I cant help but want to explain but it's ridiculously inhumane to explain your logic to people who seek: houses, the comfort of routine, success through monetary value.They have no idea what it's like to rely on the approval of your own thoughts, the words of a lover or a kind acquaintance & to seem obsessed and for "home" to be wherever you are, you. They call it "over analytical" but they're underestimating.
 

I was always distant of those living in the shallow because I looked at everything into depth. I crave the twisted and the comfort of the unfamiliar all for an inner melody that plays for the spirit that dances to it. Id have a mouth full of fear & lies if I ever said I wasn't ok with my past and that i just wanted to stay here with you. The need to never stop wandering doesn't allow me to speak of such things. Right now, I consider it the prime of my life because in the past, I have always been someones girlfriend, someones love, someones heart break, but all I simply wanted to do is, entertain. I've always wanted the world and was given the moon- every day is birth and I remind myself of a graceful vision for every encounter, so that i can learn and teach.

Under a sheet of stars I reminisce of us, dancing, laughing and even fighting. I remember everything you told me, and how you made me feel. I remember how you said you knew but you didn't and how much I craved spiritual freedom and that wasn't even half of it. I wont go back but those memories feed me, and give me real hope for true love. I love to sing and help create melodies. I sketch clothing on bodies that stir up controversy. I let my fingertips bleed on a notepad inside of my laptop. I observe others to stay in tune with my soul. I remember at one point in my life, arguably, all I ever imagined was becoming a writer but I've wished upon a full moon to many times that epitomizes indecisiveness.

The obsession I have for connecting with your soul terrifies me into a demanding passion and a demanding expression from you because you run your fingers thru the tangles of my soul.


I want to dance for strangers and find someone stranger.
 

My obsession pushes me to a sense of nomadic unconventional-ism that both drives and delivers me.

 Even though, I go to sleep in a city of angels, I wake up in the city of dreams. 


.H90028k

the Crazy Cat Lady

      The Crazy Cat Lady

         By: Kimberly Avila 

A few days ago, I was at a coffee shop and I couldn’t help but over hear some women talk about their love lives, careers, and their fear of becoming the "crazy cat lady" at their thirties or forties. I wondered who the crazy cat lady is. Why have I heard of her before? I immediately started to think of all the women I know, or have known and wondered if I knew any that I've considered this. 
I mean cats are cool and exotic; being crazy is always the best kind of fun, and who doesn't want to be considered a lady? Why are they making her seem like a bad thing to be considered?

I envisioned this lady to be gorgeous, strutting around in her Jimmy Choo's when she’s feeling sexy and feminine or in some Tom Ford leather thigh high boots when she’s edgy and channeling her inner vixen while she sports her classic Audrey Hepburn style with her freshwater pearls and her brilliant diamonds, probably wearing Chanel to bed.

Her style is constantly evolving and distinctive. She has mastered aesthetics to the smack dab core. She is a hard worker and you couldn't ever tell from the way she walks or even speaks. She makes it look so graceful. 

She is thought of as "crazy" because she’s passionate, confident, unconventional and unapologetic-ally poetic. She doesn't believe she’s gone mad. She doesn’t believe she’s crazy. In fact, that’s not a worry of hers. She has no worries.
 
This beautiful striking being has surrounded herself by just the same thing… hence her “cat” reference. She has valued the Bengal and Black cats for companionship. She admires their strong, flexible bodies, with their quick reflexes, sharp retractable claws, and keen senses. They fascinate her. Her fur babies obtain the ability to look into your soul that will probably have you reevaluating your choices because of the wanderlust and unique energy they transmit. They are loyal and exotic. She even has garden of a wide variety of succulents as healthy as she appears. Her admiration for the succulent plant is for the fact that they maintain a habitat that collects and stores water to survive long periods of time in exposure to high levels of minerals that are deadly to other plants. 



She is single because she hasn’t found the right partner not because no one wants her. She’s being selective because she can. She has romantic needs and wants that must be fulfilled. She craves equality and spiritual freedom. She has met plenty of men with potential but she has the ability to recognize that they may be perfect but not perfect for her, and to my concern, that isn’t a problem at all! She understands that it’s not always wise to fall in love with the idea of what a man can be but rather for what he is and what it is. She is in no hurry even though you want to consider her age; she finds her life so precious that she doesn't believe she should ever settle. And you know what? She’s right, ladies! 

She has a great, handful of married girlfriends and she’s happy for them. But as for herself, she believes that there are so many mediocre things in life that her love life shouldn't be one of them.
 She knows it should feel like the movies make it look.

 She needs someone to look into her eyes and run his fingers through the tangles of her soul. She continuously seeks self-autonomy and a constant rediscovery. She may be single but she’s not alone. Her belief of freedom is that there is no rush. She appears strange and wants to find someone stranger. Her confidence will intimidate the boys, as it impresses the men. 

The crazy cat lady, is what you see? 

A woman, who refuses to settle, is what I see. 

Because, you see, sister, it’s all about perspective. The quicker you realize that there is an opportunity in every difficulty, the quicker you will be free. The quicker you realize that the glass isn’t half empty but that there’s more space for more wine, you will be free. 

You will appear crazy. But you will be happy. 

So let’s redefine this "crazy cat lady" and visualize her positively! Since, mature women empower each other.

                                                                                                   .100614C

Home

For every beautiful soul I found

I'd pray they'd become family

I'd pray that we'd fall in love 

& when we did, we'd run wild

& we'd teach each other how to be OK

I finally found them

My people

A group I connected with 

& In the prime time of my life

...Of our lives 

We were all so vulnerable and raw

We didn't mind what we'd lose

Optimistic for what we'd gain 

(To be honest, Ive felt this way before)

& nothing we needed anymore...

Except to view the world with our hearts 

& to pledge allegiance to the sovereignty 

To embrace the struggle

Breathe romantically

Live youthfully

Eternal 

Wild

& most importantly, live freely

I believe in the person I used to be 

I believe that freedom means there is no rush

I live by the fact that 

We do not witness things as they are

We witness things as we are 

Who are you?
Do you know who you want to be?
Can you live through your deepest fear?
Ive felt forever
what about you?


                                                                                                                                                   .021414C